If you're like me, you love otters — they're cute, playful, and adorable online.
If you're like Graham George Spencer, however, you're utterly anti-otter.
As reported by the New York Post, British native Graham was recently strolling through the Singapore Botanic Gardens.
Among the animals to observe: You guessed it.
Witness the colossal cuteness:
Even so, as they say at the zoo, anything with a mouth can bite.
Just ask Graham — he found out the hard way.
Or, the herd way.
The 60-something got sacked by a roving gang of semiaquatic psychos.
From the Post:
[Graham]…was…approaching the visitors center when he spotted around 20 otters crossing a dimly-lit path in front of him. He claimed it was the first time he had seen the mustelids in the area despite taking his morning walks there for five months.
A jogger ran through the group, setting them off.
The otters went “crazy like dogs” and tried to rip into the runner.
When that individual escaped, the animals turned toward you-know-who.
No word on whether they had marshmallows, but the critters crunched into Graham like a cracker.
They attacked and attacked s'more.
The ornery otters reportedly hit him in the ankles, pushed him down and leaped on top of Spencer, then proceeded to bite the prone man around his legs, shoes and buttocks, with one nipping his finger, according to the media reports.
In ten seconds, he was bitten 26 times.
Salvation came after the victim's friend, who was about “15 paces” away, ran up to him screaming and yelling in an attempt to scare the hairy hooligans away.
Graham hightailed it to the visitor's center with the vicious weasel-like wackos in pursuit.
Thankfully, he made it safely inside.
A guard helped tend to his wounds, after which the bleeding bloke hobbled his way to a hospital across the street.
It was an expensive ordeal:
There, doctors administered Spencer tetanus shots and oral antibiotics and stitched up his wounds before discharging him the same day. The patient claimed he has since returned to the hospital three times, racking up around $1,200 in medical bills.
Over the last little while, animals have inspired a host of headlines:
A Rat Surfs the Flood in the Philippines, and It's the Best Symbol of 2020 I've Seen — Except One
Move Over, Murder Hornets — Beware the Coronavirus Cannibal Rat
Costco Cans Coconut Milk Over the Forced Employment of Manacled Monkeys
Ahead of the Democratic Debate, a Vegas Trump Group Released Pigeons Wearing MAGA Hats — and One Sporting a Tiny Donald Trump Wig
And a slew of stories have involved aggression:
2020 in a Nutshell: New York Sees a Series of Assaults by Vicious Squirrels
Fangs a Lot, 2020: Libertarian Presidential Candidate Cancels Campaign Stop After Being Bitten by a Bat
Because Of Course: A Gang of Monkeys Attacks a Lab Assistant and Escapes With Bottles of the Coronavirus
Sex Pistol Johnny Rotten Socializes with Squirrels, Gets Fanged by Fleas — in His Punk Rock Pants
Back to Graham, he feels lucky to be alive:
“If it wasn't for my friend, I don't think I'd still be here.”
Given the ferocity of the assailment, visitors to the park are being warned to watch out for otters — especially if the boot-sized beasts' babies are nearby.
Signs have been placed at the entrance to caution customers.
But per the Post, such attacks are rare.
Bernard Seah, a member of tracking organizations OtterWatch and the Otter Working Group, said Spencer's attackers were a pack of smooth-coated otters called the “Zouk family,” which are reportedly “the most human-tolerant otter family” in Singapore.
“In my years of documenting otters' behaviors, I have never heard of such an aggressive attack,” said the incredulous researcher.
As relayed by Reuters, the jogger who jogged the otters' ire may have accidentally stepped on one.
Either way, it's an odd era for animals, indeed.
Most bizarre of all: the antics of human ones.
That species has engaged in behavior never before seen.
They've blanketed themselves where they breathe, holed up in their homes, and stayed a body's length apart when greater distance wasn't doable.
For over a year.
It doesn't get any otter…than that.