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A New One: Florida Woman Escapes Jury Duty by Telling Judge She’s Obligated to Meet Her Sugar Daddy Daily

Jury obligation: only a handful of people would like to fulfill it. But how does one get out of it? A potential jurist in Florida made an excuse that is most likely to be heard in the courts of law.

When the pool was narrowed for the sentencing hearing of the perpetrator of the Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School mass shooting in Parkland, Florida, a female known by the name of “Miss Bristol” claimed she was unable to afford the time away from her job. But Miss Bristol does not exactly work an ordinary nine-to-five. According to her, she's legally bound to her employment with a “sugar daddy.” She must see her daddy on a daily basis.

According to Fox News, Miss Bristol was responding to Circuit Judge Elizabeth Scherer's question about whether anyone was concerned about jury duty or needed to know more. To Miss Bristol, she asked, “Did you have a question?”

The woman replied, “So, I'm reading. This is a whole entire month. First of all, let me clarify myself. July 7th is my birthday, the 4th is my [son's], the 18th is my other [son's].”

“Hold on, wait. Don't talk too fast, please,” Judge Scherer directed. “We have to be able to understand. So you said that…July, [there are] dates in July that you're not available. What are those dates?”

Miss Bristol identified her issue. “July 7th, July 4th, which is closed, and July 18th. And again, I need to figure out something. I have my sugar daddy that I see every day.”

“I'm sorry?” the judge responded.

“My sugar daddy,” the woman replied, reaffirming that she's obligated to her daily responsibilities.

Judge Scherer's response: “Okay. Alright. Ma'am, we'll come back to you, okay? Thank you.”

Of the possible 160 juror-box abiders, only 120-plus were disqualified. Miss Bristol did make it on, doubtless to the pleasure and delight of Mr. Daddy.

The world is changing, and love is catching up. Recent examples include: “The old college challenge: Prestigious university asks students to spin the wheel of fornication,” “The American Psychological Association creates a task force to encourage polyamorous relationships,” “Polyamory is getting another refresh–this time it's from Harvard Law,” “How do we plan for the future of the family? A woman living in Florida waits for her first child with one of her four boyfriends who are committed, but not the fiance,” “Billy sings the blues: A polyamorous lover exaggerates the difficulties of quarantine with his girlfriend and her boyfriend,” “The mother is suing polyamorous lovers over son's sex slave injections in order to ensure that his scrotum is the size of a basketball,” and so on.

Love comes in a variety of flavors, shapes, and sizes. In the case of one near-juror from Florida, it's quite sturdy and very real. There's a task for the lady to complete, and she's committed to her job. It could take hours, however. Who would say, “Love bites”? Miss Bristol ignores her civic duty to pour some sugar when it's required.

She shouldn’t let her two sons make her feel as if her family is fractured. When not overwhelmed by the trials, Miss Bristol would also be able to make time to visit her husband, which she has also apparently done. But how will she manage everyone adequately?

The jury is out.

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